DC Traffic
This morning I had my first taste of driving into the District. It’s one thing to casually drive on a Sunday to sightsee, but during rush hour it’s a whole other ballgame.
Here’s my take-aways from today:
- Toll Roads are not faster
- If the speed limit is 65MPH, 80MPH is the acceptable speed.
- When the great state of VA reminds you that the speed limit is “RADAR ENFORCED,” the acceptable speed limit is 78 MPH.
- Despite the sale and use of Radar Detectors are illegal in District of Columbia and Virginia land, you are presented with signs reminding you.
- Keeping a “safe distance” from the vehicle in front of you is not an option.
- Everyone hates Maryland drivers for good reason.
- Maryland drivers hate Virginia drivers.
- DC drivers hate Virginia and Maryland drivers.
- When merging lanes, you must always compete for the #1 spot, otherwise you’ll be #5.
- When traffic is moving at 80MPH, stopping short to cut across five lanes is not uncommon.
- With all the money people invest in their luxury vehicles, somehow everyone is reading a paper, on a conference call, or checking their Blackberry all at once.
- No one is caught for speeding. Seriously — despite the bad reputation state police have here.
- The Outer Loop and Inner Loop are merely axises of confusion.
- When passing someone, you don’t actually advance further than a few inches past someone, as you want a photo finish.
- LOL, Electric Cars. You’re kidding right?
- If miss your exit, rest assured you’ll find it as you complete your lap again.
- Lane markings are just suggestions drive wherever the hell you want.
- If your light changes to yellow, go full throttle because it’ll be 8 minutes until you can go again.
- Pull over to the left if you need to take that necessary cell phone call. (WTF?)
- Flat tire? Call AAA. (Seriously, I saw this guy turning his lug wrench the wrong way on his flat tire on his BMW).
- If you don’t have GPS, you’re screwed. With no sense of boundary or direction, you’ll be lost in minutes.
Well that’s my observations. Whether they are legal or not (or politically correct) is up to you. I made it in and out of DC, but damn, you have to be crazy to actually take that commute daily. If you do, I feel for you. All these references were made in humor so see it as that. In contrast, this is a considerably accurate description of Phoenix, Arizona traffic.
[tags]Washington DC, Traffic, I395, I495, Virginia, VA, MD, Driving, Toll Roads, Humor[/tags]
Tags: DC, I-395, I-495, I-95, internet, Lists, memes